Grief, Loss, Our Tears and God's Love

            I think that one of the worst things that can be said to people who have undergone a loss is to tell them that what has happened is God’s will.  When we are in the middle of grief, we don’t need anyone to explain to us what has happened.  It is right in front of us.  Our reaction to loss is certainly predictable.  We will cry and grieve and feel very much alone.  What we need in these moments is love and acceptance, not feeble explanations and stupid comments.  I think what people are trying to do in moments like this is to deflect the grief; to offer a comment that will possibly put things in perspective.  The problem with this is that it isn’t at all helpful and really blames the griever for their tears.

            I was a member at one time of the diocesan board of Examining Chaplains.  My job was to examine candidates in pastoral theology.  The whole idea was to get some kind of an idea about how our seminary graduates would behave as clergy.  I had one candidate that I remember very well.  I told him that he had learned that a family in his parish had lost a son in an automobile accident.  He had just pulled up in front of the house and had gone inside.  He found the grieving parents in the living room.  I asked him what he would do then.  He told me that he would tell them about the Lord Jesus and how Jesus saves us all.  I asked him how he would do this.  He told me that he would simply explain it all to those parents, and that would hopefully ease their grief.

              I failed him.  That wasn’t what those parents needed at all.  What they needed was his tears, his arms around them; his depth of concern.  Their grief was certainly warranted.  Their tears were above all things understandable.  What wasn’t really understandable was a sermon to them about the salvation of Jesus Christ in the middle of their loss.

            Coming up is All Saint’s Sunday.  It is a wonderful day to recognize all of those who have gone before us, who have lived their lives in the knowledge of God’s Love and who have passed on to all of us the heritage of their faith.  The scripture for today reflects God’s gracious love in the middle of the turmoil that we all experience in this world.  Living isn’t easy.  We all have moments of grief and loss.  What these lessons are trying to do is to help us to understand that God is with us in our misery.  God works to create for us hope in the middle of our despair. 

            When Jesus went to Bethany after hearing of the death of his friend Lazarus; the brother of Mary and Martha, he went with a heavy heart.  He was met on the road first by the older sister Martha who grabbed him by the shirt and shouted at him:  If you had been here, my brother would not have died!  Jesus replied to her that her brother would rise again.  Martha cut him off with the comment, Yes, yes, I know, he will rise again at the last day; throwing this knowledge back into his face almost as if it was simply a sop to her grief.  Jesus replied to her: I am the resurrection and the life, no one comes to the Father except by me!  Martha was immediately comforted.  In a few moments, Mary came to Jesus and told him the same thing.  Jesus asked her: Where have you laid him? Jesus went to the tomb and stood there and wept.  I can’t imagine a more wonderful response to the loss of Lazarus.  But then Jesus did more.  He told Martha to roll away the stone from in front of the tomb.  She did so reluctantly, saying that is has been four days and that there would be a stench.  Jesus called forth Lazarus from the tomb.  His wrappings were removed and he was back with his sisters.  This was a glorious moment for all of them. 

            When we are in the presence of grief and loss, our job is not to explain it but to accept it and offer our love and care.  We don’t need to tell people that everything will be all right.  Things are obviously not all right at the moment.  There aren’t words to help; only arms to hold and tears to share. 

            The lesson from Isaiah (Isaiah 25: 1-6) is about God’s intention to end death forever.  This wonderful lesson is frequently read at funerals.  It is intended to offer comfort to those who have lost their loved ones.  I have heard it read through tears by members of families who have suffered loss.  It is a future promise from God who wants us to know that the plan is to give us all back our lives and to include us all in God’s Kingdom.  That certainly doesn’t fix the here and now; but it is a comfort to know that what our loving God has in mind for all of us is freedom from grief and pain and the certainty of eternal life.

Open Your Eyes

             When Christianity enters our politics, often it is for reasons of judgement.  The county clerk in Kentucky who refused to give marriage licenses to same sex partners created a great fuss and got lots of publicity.  What is really remarkable is that the Westboro Baptist Church, that team of judges who picket veteran’s funerals professing God’s judgement on all of us, have decided that the clerk is someone whom they also despise.  That puts me in a bind.  Whose side am I on here?  I don’t like either of these sides so I have to simply laugh at the silliness of it all and go on my way, or be astonished at the way that hypocrisy seems to find a way to spring up on multiple sites. 

            But this isn’t the only way that Christians in politics judge.  Rick Santorum and Mike Huckabee have talked about how their Christian faith motivates their politics and how sternly they would deal with people who are outside of the biblical limits.  They come off sounding very much like Pharisees who were often hostile to people on the margins; people who struggle with their sexuality and their economics.  I often wonder where these guys get their religion, or what bible they are reading.. 

            In Mark’s gospel, Jesus enters Jericho and encounters a blind beggar.  This is the second time that Jesus has been confronted with a man who is blind.  The first time, he healed the man only partially and then needed to do it again so that he could really see.  This time, Jesus calls the blind man to him over the objections of the crowd and asks him simply, “What do you want me to do for you?”  The man replies, “My teacher, let me see again!”  Jesus tells him, “Go, your faith has made you well.”  The formerly blind man continues to follow Jesus as he goes on his way to Jerusalem.

            What strikes me about this story is the simplicity of it.  There is no judgement at all here.  Jesus simply takes what he finds and deals with it.  The only judgement comes from the crowd in the street.  Jesus ignores this and heals.  He doesn’t know very much about the blind man; he has no idea about who is worthy of his care and who isn’t.  He just deals with what he finds.

            The lessons that Jesus taught to those who followed him are very helpful if we want to live lives as Christians.  His commandments are few and easy to remember.  He told us to love God with all of our heart, soul and mind, and to love our neighbors as people like ourselves.  Along the way he also reminded us not to judge, lest we be judged; and with his parables he taught us wonderful lessons like the Good Samaritan who, although he was an outcast according to the Jews, still stopped and took care of a man beaten by robbers who was laying at the side of the road, and who had been passed by a scribe and a Pharisee who didn’t want to get their hands dirty because they had other work to do.

            The disciples of Jesus also asked Jesus to help them.  James and John wanted him to let them sit on his right and left when he came into his kingdom.  Jesus told them that was not his to grant; but was something that only God could grant.  Essentially, he was telling James and John to do the same thing that he told the blind man by the side of the road:  open your eyes!  That is also, I think, Jesus’ word for you and me in the church.  Open your eyes and see the people at the side of the road who need your help.  Open your eyes to see the misery that is all around you.  Do whatever you can to help those who have no ability to help themselves.      . 

            Those of us who like to think of ourselves as grown-ups, need to understand that being grown up brings with it responsibility for those who are on the fringes of society.  That is perhaps the prime reason that the church is here.  We are God’s social agency created for the health of the people who can’t always take care of themselves.  Our faith and our worship are important, but so is our mission.  To reach out to those who are hurting and who have very little is what we are here for.  May God help us to open our eyes to see more than our own desires and to do whatever we can for the need that is all around us.

What We Wish For

            Did you ever wish for something with all of your might and when you got it, you discovered that it was just the opposite of what you thought you were getting?  James and John came to Jesus with a request that sounded to them like the most wonderful thing that they could ever attain.  They wanted to sit on his left and his right when he achieved his glory.  Jesus had some words for them that took their request to a much different place than they imagined. 

            Jesus simply asked them if they could be baptized with the baptism that he was baptized with and drink the cup that he drank.  They said that they could.  Jesus then told them that they would certainly do that, but where they would be placed when he reached his glory was not his to give, but was the property of the one who sent him; meaning God the Father.  When the other disciples heard what James and John were doing, they were outraged.  Jesus called them to him and said that they were not like the people in other cultures where the leaders lorded things over them and tyrants oppressed those under them.  He said that in his company, those who wanted to be first needed to be the servants of all.  He ended his talk by saying:  the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.  That was not what James and John were expecting when they first went to Jesus with their request, but it was certainly what they discovered would be their fate.  All of the disciples except John died at the hands of others, but their witness to their Lord was seen by all of the people around them.  In the Acts of the Apostles, their lives are seen in great detail and their works after the crucifixion and the resurrection of Jesus are incredible. 

            The witness that those followers of Jesus provide for us is a wonderful way to construct a church.  We are all here to give ourselves for the welfare of each other.  We are not here to dominate or to always get our own way.  We are here to care for each other and to serve, not to be served.  That isn’t really the way that the world works, is it?  People for the most part are out to get the most for themselves and not necessarily to worry very much about what that might do to other people.  It isn’t meant in a mean way, but it is a selfishness that infects many of the relationships that we have in our lives. 

            What our Lord is asking of us is to be servants, not masters.  That isn’t easy for any of us who have been brought up in a culture where advancement and position are the most prized things that there are.  We need to know that serving others is the primary way for us to get ahead, not being the masters of everyone.

            That is really the mission of the church.  To be the source of serving the needs of those whom we find in need around us.  It isn’t always easy.  Frequently, the needs of the building or of our own community show up and need to be taken seriously.  When the roof leaks or the power goes out, we need to do something about it.  When that impedes our mission, it can make our primary purpose shaky. 

            The important thing to remember about all of this is that it isn’t only OUR mission.  Our Lord is in it with us.  When we think that we are in charge of the world, we can be brought up short very easily.  The debates that those who want to be president are having are interesting in the way that they think that they can themselves solve the problems that face us.  The simple answer to that is that they can’t.  Above all things, they need consensus to do much of anything.  What is ruining consensus at the moment are radical people who believe that they have all of the answers and if we will all listen only to them, we will get everything that we want.  We all know at some level that just isn’t true.  We need each other, and we need our Lord’s blessing to make much of anything happen. 

            Even in the midst of misery, our God is there.  Job constantly called out to God in the worst of his misery and finally, at the end of the whole book, God answered him.  His answers are humiliating: 

                       Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?                                                                              Tell me, if you have understanding.                                                                                                    
            Job was finally given back all that he had lost because he remained faithful through all of his tribulations.  That is what Jesus was telling his disciples.  To remain faithful even when all seems to be lost and in the end, all will be well.  That is also true of the community of Christ.  We can’t do much of anything by ourselves.  With consensus and with God’s help, we can do it all.

            

            

All Manner of Things Will Be Well

              My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? The beginning of Psalm 22 echoes a cry of humanity through the ages. It was the cry of Jesus from the cross in his last moments in this life.  It is important for us to know this because our lives get us into incredible miseries sometimes and we don’t know how to get out of them.  What the psalmist is speaking about is severe depression and a seeming lack of God’s presence in this world.  How do I find God when all seems to be lost?  How can I maintain my faith in the presence of forces that seem to be stronger than God, stronger than myself? 

            Have you been there?  I certainly have.  I have had profound moments of doubt when I really didn’t know if God was God at all.  When I look at television and see the people scrambling to get out of Syria and Iraq and into the European Union, I know the despair that they are feeling and I can imagine all of them crying those words of the Psalm.  When I see the families involved in mass shootings or when I think about the events of 9/11, I know the fear and doubt that arises in the hearts of the people involved in those things.

            When Rosie and I lost our beach house in 1993, we had a terrible moment of doubt.  We had had the place for 15 years; our kids had grown up there and we loved it for a place of refuge in the spring or the fall; where we could get away and simply contemplate and rest.  We cried when the ocean ate that place.  That wasn’t overwhelming suffering, but it certainly got our attention.

            Job suffered worse. In the midst of the worst of his suffering, he cries out:

                            Today also my complaint is bitter;

                        his hand is heavy despite my groaning.

                               Oh, that I knew where I might find him,

                        that I might come even to his dwelling!

                                I would lay my case before him,

                        and fill my mouth with arguments.

                                I would learn what he would answer me,

                        and understand what he would say to me.

                              Would he contend with me in the greatness of his power?

                       No; but he would give heed to me.

                              There an upright person could reason with him,

                       and I should be acquitted forever by my judge.

            That is a powerful cry and Job never loses his belief that God will somehow come to his aid.   Even though his friends continue to tell him that his miseries are all his fault; Job knows that in the end, his God will understand and that he will be acquitted.  That is a marvelous statement of faith, and why the book of Job is one of the most meaningful in all of scripture. 

            The point of all of this is not to diminish doubt.  Show me someone who has never doubted and I will show you someone who has never really lived.  This world has a way of placing things in our path that make us wonder sometimes where God has gone.  That is why we know that Satan is also real and that the fight between light and darkness will continue to go on.  It isn’t what we want; but it is certainly what we have.

            When I look at my life, and the lives of most of the people around me, I have to say that we are very lucky.  Misery is not our daily fare.  I don’t lose my faith daily because of what the world continues to throw at me.  I have a community of people around me who care deeply for each other and I know that I will have help when trouble comes.  I don’t feel abandoned by God or by anyone.  In that, I am extremely fortunate. 

            What I know above all things is that God understands what human life and human suffering is all about.  I know this because of the life of Jesus who not only lived through great troubles, but also died in a terrible way. 

            I loved Nikos Kazanakis’ book, The Last Temptation of Christ, which was made into a powerful movie.  In the story, at the moment of Jesus’ crucifixion, Satan appears to him as a small child and offers him a new life.  In his dream on the cross, Jesus accepts this and soon we see him back in Bethany, married to Mary and having children with her.  He meets Paul, who tells him, I really didn’t need you.  The story ends with Jesus back on the cross and the Devil foiled in his last attempt to circumvent God.  It is a great story of faith and triumph in the face of terrible misery; and it is the reason that I know that God understands and loves us as human beings who experience all that happens to us.  I also know like Job, that in the end as the great nun Julian of Norwich so elegantly said:  all will be well.  All manner of things will be well.