Partnership and Hope

      Rosie and I have been married for 57 years.  That is an awesome number when you think about it.  Fifty-seven years of marriage.  It hasn’t always been easy.  I think that I have given her more than enough reason to break it off at times.  She has put up  with me in a lot of different moods, not always pleasant.  And she has also put up with a lot of change.  We have moved some 27 times in all of those years, and downsized several times.  Our most recent move was from a beautiful home in Charleston, West Virginia back to Pittsburgh to a small condominium so that we could be close to our kids.  This has been a fantastic move.   We see our daughters often and we are enjoying our grandchildren and our two great-grandchildren.  We joined St. Brendan’s, a church that I had a hand is starting twenty-five years ago when I was the rector of Christ Church, North Hills.  They will celebrate their silver anniversary this month and I look forward to preaching at the service that will commemorate that on October 21.

But back to marriage.  In the Book of Genesis, God says, It is not good that the 
man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.  And God created Eve as a partner for Adam.  That partnership had its ups and downs.  The partnership that Rosie and I share is what has made our marriage work.  We have shared in the raising of our daughters and in the joy of watching our kids grow up and have children of their own.  There has also been grief and pain as we have buried our parents and lost uncles and aunts as age has taken them from us.

     Rosie has been with me through career change.  She found me at a radio station booth at the Indiana County fair and we had a career in radio and television for a number of years, then she was my partner when I went to seminary.  She worked outside the home to help us pay the bills with three kids and tuition and many other obligations.  When I look back on all of that, I have no idea how it worked out.  But she was the glue.  She is the one that made it happen.  We have been very fortunate.

When I became a parish priest, Rosie was a clergy wife.  That has its own dynamic.  The expectations of a parish for the wife of the rector is sometimes overwhelming.  She has carried it off with an expertise that I have always admired.  It isn’t an easy job.  There are always those who want to interfere in the household of the clergy.  She was a master of handling even the most difficult cases.  I have thanked God many, many times for the intelligence and the beauty that she has brought to this marriage and the help that she has been in our career together.

Over the course of my work in the Episcopal Church, I have done a number of weddings.  Sometimes, these have worked out very well.  Sometimes, not.  When I do a wedding, I always think of what Rosie and I offer as an example.  I know that the love that is present on the wedding day is powerful and can keep a couple together for a lifetime.

But sometimes it doesn’t work out that way.   I have counseled a number of couples who have divorced.  I have helped them in their pain and have witnessed the turmoil that has been a part of their lives in the middle of trying to work out relationships that have been irretrievably broken.  The anguish of this is sometimes overwhelming to everyone involved..  I have seen in these moments though, that God’s love is also powerful.  I have watched people who have survived divorce and have created other relationships.  This is never easy, but these people are great examples to the rest of us as proof that brokenness can be overcome.  Forgiveness and hope surpass pain and destruction.  I have seen it work over and over again.

     The key to it all is community.  Together we can help each other survive with hope the pain and the joy that we all experience in this life.  May God bless us in our lives as we stay together and help each other in our fragile partnerships.   And when they are broken, may God bless us in finding hope again.